A controlling person is someone who is demanding, has to be right, blames others for their problems or refuses to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and words. They make those around feel small, embarrassed, or humiliated. A controlling person and allowing a controlling person in your marriage is not God’s will for a healthy marriage.
Here’s a look at 12 signs that might suggest someone has a controlling personality.
They make you think everything’s your fault
They criticize you all the time
Demanding your attention constantly and gradually isolating you from friends and family
They keep score
They underplay your experience by lying or accusing you of being overly sensitive
They create drama
They intimidate you
They don’t take ‘no’ for an answer
They’re unreasonably jealous
They try to change you
They may show abusive behavior
What is the root or cause of a controlling person?
At the heart of a controlling person is pride, and insecurity. They need to control to feel valuable, important. Control is a way to protect themselves from hurt, or pain. The root cause of insecurity is fear.
What does God say?
But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. Gal 5:22 Amp.
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary [a]edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Eph. 4:29-32 NKJV
God desires our marriage to reflect Him in our words, actions, and attitudes. There is no place for a controlling person in a healthy, godly marriage.
In marriage it is important to keep short accounts. Learn to forgive quickly. Don’t keep a long list of wrongs. Nothing will erode your marriage more than building layers and layers of unforgiveness and bitterness. It will affect the relationship with your spouse because every time he does something wrong you will Continue reading Marriage with Mari: Keep Short Accounts→
Relationships are an integral part of lives. Whether with a spouse, employer, child or a friend. They can have a great impact on our emotional, physical and spiritual health. Here are some ways to see if your relationship is healthy or unhealthy:
A controlling person is someone who is demanding, has to be right, blames others for their problems or refuses to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and words. They make those around feel small, embarrassed, or humiliated. A controlling person and allowing a controlling person in your marriage is not God’s will for a healthy Continue reading Marriage with Mari: Are You Controlling?→
When one or both spouses are controlling, it makes an unhealthy marriage. It is dishonoring, unhealthy and diminishes the marriage covenant. What is control? Someone who is “controlling” tries to control situations to an extent that is unhealthy or tries to control other people. A person may try to control a situation by placing themselves Continue reading Marriage with Mari: Is Control Ruining Your Marriage?→
Kindness in a marriage goes along way, especially when there is a conflict or difficult issue to deal with. It is difficult when there is hurt, anger or bitterness. Kindness is a choice and modeled to us in I Cor. 13. ” Love is kind.” There can be no “bad guy” or “good guy.” Both Continue reading Little Kindness Goes A Long Way in Marriage→
Women need to feel loved, and men need to feel respected. This may explain why Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:33 that a husband must love his wife and a wife must respect her husband. Both commands are unconditional. The hard part is that respect comes more easily to men, and love comes easier to Continue reading Marriage with Mari: Love & Respect→
For many Christians, the salvation of their unsaved spouse is a priority. Desiring to be equally yoked, going to church together and sharing a common faith is important. God can use you to minister to your spouse. Watch the video
The most important skill and maintaining unity as a couple is forgiveness. You will make mistakes, disappoint one another, and make some poor decisions. The only way to keep your relationship growing in the midst of our humanity is to forgive. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Continue reading Marriage with Mari: Forgiveness is Essential For Marital Unity→