In marriage it is important to keep short accounts. Learn to forgive quickly. Don’t keep a long list of wrongs. Nothing will erode your marriage more than building layers and layers of unforgiveness and bitterness. It will affect the relationship with your spouse because every time he does something wrong you will remember everything from the past.
This is especially true in conflict resolution. Nothing is more frustrating when you are having a fight and someone brings up past mistakes. Rather than the stick to the issue now all these other issues are coming up. Nothing ever gets resolved. Frustration grows which can add more layers of pain. Besides the Lord tells us to forgive so we will be forgiven.
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave us”. Eph. 4:32
In marriage, we have so much power to hurt our spouse
In marriage, you have so much power to hurt your spouse. Because you are closest to them, you know their greatest weaknesses. There will be many times you will come to a crossroad with two options: forgive and keep a short account and move forward or to live in the past.
Forgiveness is not a natural response. You would prefer to hold on, remember and to keep long record of wrongs. You want to be right. You want justify anger, and honestly make them pay for a moment, it will quickly turn to pain. When unforgiveness festers in your heart. the more and more it hurts your self,your marriage and your spouse. Eventually, a decision must be made: will you choose to move forward, or sit in this lonely bitterness?
Who is the behind this push not to forgive?
Satan hates you and hates marriages. He loves to remind you of all of your spouse’s mistakes. He wants bitterness to poison your hearts and marriage. He wants to bind you and your marriage.
“For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity.” Acts 8:23
Moving forward is the hardest step, but it is also the best decision
Moving forward is the hardest step, but it is also the best decision. You have the choice to practice forgiveness, even when you do not feel like forgiving. No marriage is free from this crossroad. Sometimes it will feel like you are forgiving constantly and start fresh.
Forgiveness is an everyday action
Forgiveness is an everyday action. It is a conscious action you take daily to put the past behind. Ask the Holy Spirit to help. If you are born again, then you have access to Him who can and will help.
Hopefully, you and your spouse can talk through the hurt and understand why it caused pain. If you love someone you don’t want to hurt them intentionally. That is mean and contrary to the Spirit of Christ. If the problem continues get some help. Maybe a mentor couple or counselor can help bring change.
Next time you are at crossroads between keeping a long or short account, and think something is irredeemable, remember this: Jesus has made all things new in Him through His grace. So extend what He has done in you to the one you love the most. You will be amazed at how healing to the heart and relationship forgiveness and reconciliation are. A new start will give peace and bring joy to your relationship, if only you choose it.
Focus on the Family Podcast May 11, 2021 As you’re getting to know your spouse, it’s easy for things to come up that you weren’t expecting. John talks with Greg and Erin about the struggles they overcame in their marriage. They’ll also provide hope for those who feel stuck in a controlling relationship. Featuring Dr. Continue reading Marriage with Mari: The Dangers of a Controlling Spouse→
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Transformation Radio Show-Take Off the Boxing Gloves! Mari and her husband Rob, share how they have taken off the boxing gloves in marriage and have successful conflict resolution. They share some practical ways and tips that can help every couple.
Rob and I used The 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make during our pre-marital counseling. Authors Bill and Pam Farrel asked couples to list the best traits of their long-term marriages. Here are a few that were repeated amongst the surveys: We make room for each other. We maintain Continue reading Marriage with Mari: Top Traits of Happily Married Couples→
A recent study suggests couples are happier when they attend church together. 78% of couples attending church together expressed they are very happy or extremely happy with their relationship. Here are 10 reasons for attending church as a couple.
Resolution and reconciliation can’t occur if one or both parties are agitated, angry, crying, yelling, accusing, shut down or defensive. REFUSE TO FIGHT IN THE FLESH. It is an invitation from the enemy to be a weapon of destruction, rather than a minister of reconciliation. Take a time out. When you at the height of Continue reading Marriage with Mari: Conflict Resolution Tip #8: Don’t Feed the Fire!→
Kindness in a marriage goes a long way, especially when there is a conflict or difficult issue to deal with. It is difficult when there is hurt, anger or bitterness. Kindness is a choice and modeled to us in I Cor. 13. ” Love is kind.”
DECEMBER 31, 2020 During those moments when your spouse is acting rude, can you extend grace in spite of how they’re showing up? Can you protect your marriage by not reacting or not engaging in an unkind way? A challenging moment “Will you help me move a chair in my office?” my wife, Erin, asked Continue reading Marriage with Mari: EXTEND GRACE WHEN YOUR SPOUSE BEHAVES BADLY→
In marriage it is important to keep short accounts. Learn to forgive quickly. Don’t keep a long list of wrongs. Nothing will erode your marriage more than building layers and layers of unforgiveness and bitterness. It will affect the relationship with your spouse because every time he does something wrong you will Continue reading Marriage with Mari: Keep Short Accounts→
