In marriage it is important to keep short accounts. Learn to forgive quickly. Don’t keep a long list of wrongs. Nothing will erode your marriage more than building layers and layers of unforgiveness and bitterness. It will affect the relationship with your spouse because every time he does something wrong you will remember everything from the past.
This is especially true in conflict resolution. Nothing is more frustrating when you are having a fight and someone brings up past mistakes. Rather than the stick to the issue now all these other issues are coming up. Nothing ever gets resolved. Frustration grows which can add more layers of pain. Besides the Lord tells us to forgive so we will be forgiven.
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave us”. Eph. 4:32
In marriage, we have so much power to hurt our spouse
In marriage, you have so much power to hurt your spouse. Because you are closest to them, you know their greatest weaknesses. There will be many times you will come to a crossroad with two options: forgive and keep a short account and move forward or to live in the past.
Forgiveness is not a natural response. You would prefer to hold on, remember and to keep long record of wrongs. You want to be right. You want justify anger, and honestly make them pay for a moment, it will quickly turn to pain. When unforgiveness festers in your heart. the more and more it hurts your self,your marriage and your spouse. Eventually, a decision must be made: will you choose to move forward, or sit in this lonely bitterness?
Who is the behind this push not to forgive?
Satan hates you and hates marriages. He loves to remind you of all of your spouse’s mistakes. He wants bitterness to poison your hearts and marriage. He wants to bind you and your marriage.
“For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity.” Acts 8:23
Moving forward is the hardest step, but it is also the best decision
Moving forward is the hardest step, but it is also the best decision. You have the choice to practice forgiveness, even when you do not feel like forgiving. No marriage is free from this crossroad. Sometimes it will feel like you are forgiving constantly and start fresh.
Forgiveness is an everyday action
Forgiveness is an everyday action. It is a conscious action you take daily to put the past behind. Ask the Holy Spirit to help. If you are born again, then you have access to Him who can and will help.
Hopefully, you and your spouse can talk through the hurt and understand why it caused pain. If you love someone you don’t want to hurt them intentionally. That is mean and contrary to the Spirit of Christ. If the problem continues get some help. Maybe a mentor couple or counselor can help bring change.
Next time you are at crossroads between keeping a long or short account, and think something is irredeemable, remember this: Jesus has made all things new in Him through His grace. So extend what He has done in you to the one you love the most. You will be amazed at how healing to the heart and relationship forgiveness and reconciliation are. A new start will give peace and bring joy to your relationship, if only you choose it.
DECEMBER 31, 2020 During those moments when your spouse is acting rude, can you extend grace in spite of how they’re showing up? Can you protect your marriage by not reacting or not engaging in an unkind way? A challenging moment “Will you help me move a chair in my office?” my wife, Erin, asked Continue reading Marriage with Mari: EXTEND GRACE WHEN YOUR SPOUSE BEHAVES BADLY→
In marriage it is important to keep short accounts. Learn to forgive quickly. Don’t keep a long list of wrongs. Nothing will erode your marriage more than building layers and layers of unforgiveness and bitterness. It will affect the relationship with your spouse because every time he does something wrong you will Continue reading Marriage with Mari: Keep Short Accounts→
Relationships are an integral part of lives. Whether with a spouse, employer, child or a friend. They can have a great impact on our emotional, physical and spiritual health. Here are some ways to see if your relationship is healthy or unhealthy:
A controlling person is someone who is demanding, has to be right, blames others for their problems or refuses to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and words. They make those around feel small, embarrassed, or humiliated. A controlling person and allowing a controlling person in your marriage is not God’s will for a healthy Continue reading Marriage with Mari: Are You Controlling?→
When one or both spouses are controlling, it makes an unhealthy marriage. It is dishonoring, unhealthy and diminishes the marriage covenant. What is control? Someone who is “controlling” tries to control situations to an extent that is unhealthy or tries to control other people. A person may try to control a situation by placing themselves Continue reading Marriage with Mari: Is Control Ruining Your Marriage?→
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Women need to feel loved, and men need to feel respected. This may explain why Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:33 that a husband must love his wife and a wife must respect her husband. Both commands are unconditional. The hard part is that respect comes more easily to men, and love comes easier to Continue reading Marriage with Mari: Love & Respect→
For many Christians, the salvation of their unsaved spouse is a priority. Desiring to be equally yoked, going to church together and sharing a common faith is important. God can use you to minister to your spouse. Watch the video
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The most important skill and maintaining unity as a couple is forgiveness. You will make mistakes, disappoint one another, and make some poor decisions. The only way to keep your relationship growing in the midst of our humanity is to forgive. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Continue reading Marriage with Mari: Forgiveness is Essential For Marital Unity→
