I am a huge fan of Love & Logic parenting techniques. It alleviates power struggles, raises responsible children, and gives them healthy self-esteem. Here is an article on How to Offer Teens Choices. (This is effective for all ages. I used a version of this when my children were toddlers to teens). I would inundate my kids with choices. When they got in trouble, they could repeat my words, “I know, I made a bad choice”. I would reinforce my love for them but let them tell me what choice they made. My kids grew up understanding the relationship with their choices and consequences.
When my youngest son was an adult, he kept asking me to tell him what career path he should take. I told him that I don’t tell adult children what to do. “Whatever path you choose, I would support your decision”. Years later, he thanked me for not telling him what to do.
The most effective parents are always thoughtfully surrendering control by offering their teen choices, and those choices should always be within limits their teen’s choices, and those choices should always be within limits the parent can live with and enforce. This is the consultant parent way; we are there to advise, ask questions, and present options; then it is up to the teen to decide the course of action.
The best time to give teens choices is when things are going well instead of waiting until things are falling apart. The pattern can be set basically as “Would you lie to have juice or milk?’ when they are younger, and then continued later with, “Would you like to be home at 10:30 or 11:00 tonight? You’ll come out ahead if you give choices rather than orders. By giving their teen many choices when things are going well, effective parents create a type of “savings account” in their teen’s mind, allowing him or her to feel- and actually, be -in control. Then things aren’t going well, the parents can say, “Wait a minute, kid. It’s my turn. I am going to make the choice on this one.”
Cline, Foster, and Jim Fay, 1992, Parenting with Love & Logic, NavPress
Many children and parents are still homeschooling their children due to the recent pandemic that has affected us. It can create frustration and anger for both the child and the parent. Here are few simple tips to help you and your child successfully navigate through this season.
One thing I regret is that I didn’t invest more time in teaching my kids about the Lord. We had weekly family devotions but I don’t think that was enough. Our culture is anti-God. We need to equip our children on a consistent basis to solidify their faith and build their strong spiritual foundation. Seven Continue reading Power Parenting: Teach Your Kids About Jesus→
Here is a quick test to see if you have a healthy co parent relationship. A healthy relationship between you and your ex spouse has great impact on the health and well being on your children. A healthy co-parent relationship and lower the chances of your child engaging in high risk behaviors.
A Drill Sargent parent barks out orders, demands absolute obedience, uses punishment as a consequence of children’s mistakes. For them, it is all about control and a power trip. The real world doesn’t operate on punishment but consequences. Children of drill Continue reading Power Parenting: Drill Sargent Parents→
Power Step Parenting- It doesn’t happen overnight! Experts tell us it takes the average stepfamily 5-7 years to integrate sufficiency to experience intimacy and authenticity in a step-family. Here are some stepping stones: 1. Listening– a person sets aside their Continue reading Power Step Parenting: 7 Steps To Success!→
One of the challenges in a step-family is dealing with the biological parents. They are an important part of your stepchild’s life. In this short video, I share my own experience as a stepmom. As tempting as it might be, avoid any negative or derogatory comments about the biological parent. You are not there to Continue reading Power Step Parenting: Respect The Biological Parent→
We as parents all know the frustration of getting a child to go to bed. Power struggles arise and so do our frustrations. All of a sudden, they are thirsty, hungry, or want a million and one demands! Here are some ways using Parenting with Love and Logic can turn bedtime into blissful.
Transformation Radio Show- Parenting With Choices is Brilliant! Think of discipline as a way to guide and teach your child about positive ways to behave. A parenting style that works well is one that uses discipline proactively. The goal is to use techniques that encourage your child’s sense of responsibility, nurture self-esteem, and strengthen your Continue reading Power Parenting: Parenting With Choices is Brilliant→