Think of discipline as a way to guide and teach your child about positive ways to behave. A parenting style that works well is one that uses discipline proactively. The goal is to use techniques that encourage your child’s sense of responsibility, nurture self-esteem, and strengthen your relationship with your child.
Hands down parenting with choices is the best way and most successful way to parent all ages of children. When I was a young single mom with four children under the age of six, I was so stressed out with discipline. The Lord lead me to discover Parenting With Choices. My parenting was revolutionized! The stress was alleviated. Years later, I was reintroduced to Parenting With Love and Logic. The principles expanded my ability and success as a parent and a social worker.
As a mom, grandma, and social worker working with troubled teens I am a strong advocate of parenting with love and logic.I didn’t need to beg, threaten, plead, cajole, or get angry. I simply allowed the consequences to do the leading and teaching. My job was to set clear limits on what I was willing and not willing to do. I offered choices we could both live with and I did it with empathy and compassion.
My three-year-old grandson threatens to throw a big toy truck down the staircase.
“I am going to throw the truck down the stairs.”
“If you choose to do that I will choose to give you time out so you decide”.
“ I’m going to throw it down the staircase .”
“if you choose to do that I will choose to give you time out, you decide.”
( You could see the wheels turning in his head). Still carrying the truck, he went back into his room.
I told him, “Good job..That was a great choice!”
When one of my children were acting out as a teen, they informed me that they heard my lecture in their head, “You choose, you pay.”I responded and told them that I was glad they were thinking about their choices. The child still chose to make bad choices but eventually made good choices.
Here are the benefits:
Kids feel more capable, even after being disciplined
Power struggles are diminished
Both parent and child are empowered
Children learn to think about their choices
They learn as in life there are consequences or price tags for every choice. Better to learn about choices when the price tag is small rather than huge as an adult.
Children learn to be responsible and gain self-confidence.
Here is a summary and key principles:
Parents and children share control and decision-making
Using empathy with consequences will enhance the self-concept of children
Parents provide limits in a caring way.
When interacting with children, parents need to stay calm and avoid provoking, threatening, moralizing, or lecturing.
Parents use polite statements that are enforceable and offer children choices within limits
Discipline is maintained with compassion and understanding.
Successful parents know that they must build a positive relationship with their children because they cannot make children do their best by being angry with them
Treat children with respect and dignity
Sharing control and stopping undesirable behaviors early are most effective
Parenting with Love and Logic is the best way to be a successful parent! It is a win-win opportunity to provide “teaching” moments for your child. Download a sample of love & logic.
Neither parent shall deny the child reasonable use of the telephone to place and receive calls with the other parent and relatives. Neither parent shall speak or write derogatory remarks about the other parent to the child or engage in abusive, coarse, or foul language, which can be overheard by the child whether or not the language involves the other parent. Neither parent shall permit the children to overhear arguments, negotiations, or other substantive discussions about legal or business dealings between the parents. Neither parent shall physically or psychologically attempt to pressure, attempt to influence, pressure, or influence the children Continue reading Power Step Parenting: The Children’s Bill of Right→
I wish I had taught my kids the value of scripture when they were growing up. Here is a great article on how to make it fun and meaningful. The list of scriptures is at the bottom of the article. Learning Bible verses can feel daunting. How do you start and what verses should you choose? A list of 25 Bible verses for kids to memorize and suggestions on how to make it fun can get you and your family started. Memorizing Bible verses is so important for kids and adults. The Bible is the inspired and infallible Word of Continue reading Power Parenting: Help Your Child Memorize Scripture in Fun Ways!→
Christian parents must accept their child’s decisions whether they approve of them or not, the Rev. Billy Graham advises in a message posted on the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association’swebsite Saturday. The renowned 97-year-old preacher was responding to a question posted to BGEA’s “My Answers” which asked how parents should handle their daughter’s marriage when they don’t approve of the fiancé. “We can’t always control what our children do as they grow older and become adults — nor should we. And even when they make mistakes or go against our advice, they are still our children, and we still love them and Continue reading Power Parenting: Christian Parents Must Accept Their Adult Child’s Choices, Even If They Don’t Approve→
Understanding loyalty conflicts and striving to alleviate your child’s excessive loyalty concerns are important to your child’s emotional well-being after divorce. KEEP YOUR CHILD FROM BEING IN AN EMOTIONAL TUG-OF-WAR. Parents implicitly ask their children to “choose” and therefore, put children in a no-win tug-of-war when they badmouth the other parent or household comment or compare living conditions invade the other home’s time with the kids with constant text messages, phone calls, or showing up at a private family activities cast blame on the other household for financial pressures or emotional pain ask for the child’s time when it takes Continue reading Power Step Parenting: Understand Your Child’s Loyalty Conflicts→
Because kids are spending much more time at home than before, there is a much greater opportunity for conflict to arise between siblings. Parents during these times are faced with many new challenges—and sibling conflict is one of them. When it comes to sibling conflict, it’s very common for all of us to focus on the wrong problem—their relationship with each other rather than our relationship with each of them. Healthy parent-child relationships are characterized by two things. First, the child needs to feel unconditionally loved. Second, the child must see their parents as the undisputed authority figures in the Continue reading Power Parenting: Sibling Conflict: Getting at the Roots→
Someone near and dear to my heart is going through a divorce. Her children are experiencing two homes, separate routines, confusion, sadness, and anger. Dreams of an intact family were shattered. Watch the video and learn a great way to help your child cope with grief and loss through a divorce.
Learning to forgive is paramount to having a healthy co-parent relationship. A healthy co-parent relationship is for the benefit of your children and yourself. Tension, animosity, bitterness, and anger impacts the children in many ways. “Recent research, for example, suggests that a healthy stepfamily can help to diminish behavioral problems in children that arise after parental divorce.” 1 Your pain is real, and your anger may be completely justified. You can’t be for your stepfamily everything God calls you to be if you’re carrying around a burden of anger and hurt. Reminder: Colossians 2:13-14 tells us to Continue reading Power Step Parenting: Spoiled Leftovers From the Past; Coping with Anger and Bitterness→
“The entitlement epidemic usually begins with over-parenting – over-indulging, over-protecting, over-pampering, over-praising, and jumping through hoops to meets kids endless demands,” she says. “Today’s generation of parents are overly invested in their child’s happiness, comfort and success. “Overly involved parents helicopter their kids’ every move and mow down the potential obstacles in their path,” McCready adds. “In our attempt to shelter our kids from adversity, we rob them of the opportunity to make decisions, learn from their mistakes, and develop the resilience needed to thrive through the ups and downs of life. This is all done in the name of love – but Continue reading Power Parenting: 9 Signs Your Child Has Entitlement Issues→